We met Tom Teagan at the Kill All Comedy live album recording. This is what he and Jared are up to now.
Hi! My name is Tom Teagan and I’m America’s favorite dying boy, which means I’m America’s favorite boy because we’re all dying right? But seriously, I am awesome (ask Rihanna for details). I was diagnosed with a terminal illness 6 years ago – don’t ask me the name, I’m just a kid! After I got thin and stuff I wrote a letter to Julia Roberts asking to be in her next big flick. Three weeks later I’m on the movie set of “The Cell Phone” with J-town, making everyone cry. Six years later, here I am thinner than ever, a handful of movie credits under my belt, and a couple of People’s Choice nominations on my shelf. Living. The. Dream! I like fun and pudding. My dream would be to live forever but no one can do that so I’m good chilling and having people love the shit out of me and stuff. I own a dolphin I’ve never seen. Scarlett Johansson’s boobs are real.
Jared says he’s a comedian, but really he just does weird stuff like write blogs and perform at empty bars with his improv team. His voice cracks pretty often. He’s the only guy I know who owns a cat.
Jared is writing my biography. He’s broke and all his friends died in a fire, so I’m throwing him a bone. I try to teach Jared about life cause he never does anything cool and some days I feel like he’s dying faster than I am.